**So, obviously - I have not been too good with the blog writing lately, I am so sooo sorry for that! I am going to pick it up again, I promise. I need some topics! I feel like everything is completely boring and dumb. Let me stew on it a bit - and I'll be back. No worries! However, in the meantime... I am honored to introduce our guest writer for today! This note on Facebook was so amazing, that I had to post it for all of my dedicated followers to read as well. It's lengthy, I'll warn you straight up. Even if you love Summer, the blog should still make you giggle and laugh. I was lucky enough to see the rough draft while at work today, and it hit my funny bone so much that I had tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing silently! Ladies & Gentlemen: A Special Blog written by Courtney Ellen Scott.**
It's one of those days. I can't concentrate on my work at hand. Why you ask? Because I'M HOT. I turn into the crankiest most bitter little monster who can find anything wrong with anything. I'll completely b!tch out a bottle of water because I can't get the screw cap off fast
enough. I'll continue to verbally assault the thing as it begins to sweat all over me. Ugh. I hate summer.
As a kid I liked summer just as much as any other. School was out for almost 3 whole months! I remember asking my mom. "Do we have school tomorrow?" her reply "nope :)" But I didn't stop there... "What about the next day?" her reply, the same as usual, "nope :)" I would
literally ask her roughly 90 times. I recount her actually sort of counting in her head the days until her answer would finally become "yes, on that day you do." I'd run out the back door and start the summer off right with an old fashioned mud pie.
I recall having lightning bug houses that were homemade by my parent's neighbor friend Charlie. They were wood with a wire mesh enclosure. I loved catching those things!! I would never squish them because I thought it was mean. We also had a swing set while I was growing up. I could have sat on that thing and swung for hours. My dad would come home
from work around 3pm and I'd promptly raid his lunchbox for his left over thermos of coffee to enjoy on my swing. Sometimes I would bring out the boom box (yes, boom box!) and sit it on top of the slide and listen to 97.9 while swinging away. ♪ Every Little Step ♫ by Bobby Brown anyone? 1989.. I was 7 years old. Good times....
Eventually my Mom was able to convince my Dad to buy us a pool. I think I was in 6th grade at the time (1993) I loved it!! You didn't have to worry about going to a sick public pool wear dirty people used it for bathing rituals. And you didn't swim by an old used band aid or a big
gob of someone else's hair... Public pools are a breeding ground for sick and disgustingness. I have a pool at my complex.. never use it.
Summer didn't phase me as a child. It was when I was in school full days that I'd started to hate it. Recess. Sounds fun right?! Every kids favorite part of the school day! Not mine. It was too freaking hot in the summer to go play on a blacktop make-shift parking lot turned
playground. NO way! You'd get all hot and sweaty, head aches would soon take over. You'd try anything to get the play ground aids to let you go in for a drink, but there was no budging them. No way. Big Al and Phyllis meant business. YOU MUST HAVE FUN. Um no. Thank GOD the bell would ring and you'd line up to go back in the building when your teacher came for you. I would wish every day for it to rain so we could play in the classroom! Bingo anyone?? I swear it would take forever for me to cool back down. I'd sit at my desk and rest my cheek on the cool fake wood surface. Ugh. My face would heat up the desk. So I fan the desk with my hand and then even out the other side of my face. Finally when I cool down.. It's time to go home. Out in the hot abyss once again! Ugh. I hate summer.
I know. I sound crazy for hating the summer season. There are things I like about it, sure. Swimming for one. And uh.. hmm.. well... help me out here... ???? ... LIGHT! It's lighter for longer! I love that! I guess that's it.. I'm sure your thinking "Man where do you live, the Sahara?" Nope.. I live in Ohio. No, I do not vacation to hot places such as any sort of beach. You could not pay me enough to go to Disney World or California. Forget it. I don't care how clear the water is or how white the sand is. No way Jose. I wouldn't be caught dead. Not to
mention the "pretty" beaches are out of the U.S... those places you can't even drink the water with out crapping your pants Charlotte Goldenblatt style. That sounds like hell,those of you who don't know me. I have red hair and fair skin. I'm pretty glow in the dark come to think of it. The whitest cracker out there. I don't tan. I burn and I peel and I'm white again. I don't
wear shorts or skirts out of pure respect for the other residents. I could stop traffic the way the sunlight bounces of my legs. BAM! It's that bad. The sun doesn't like me and I don't like it. I went out today for lunch at work.. I was outside maybe 8 minutes total.. my arms were
pink when I got inside. DUMB. So while all of these tan senoritas are out and about in their little sun dresses and tanks and shorts and skirts, I'm walking around in long sleeves and pants. So not only am I grumpy as all get out, I look like an idiot walking around in long sleeves and pants when it's a million degrees outside. Ugh. I hate summer.
Summer is annoying for many reasons. Yes most view it as a time to be social. But how many BBQ's am I going to be forced to attend where I sit in a plastic chair and sweat my butt off (literally) and eat a hamburger? Why can't we just go to Applebee's and order a hamburger?
When you say "no thanks" people look at you like you have just told them to go straight to the firey pits of hell. I don't know how many times I've been literally laughed at for saying "I hate summer, I'm not doing that... no thanks call me in a few months... camping? It's July.. no.. How about late September? Picnic? um.. I'd rather not have bugs crawling all over me and possibly in my food while the sun beats down and burns me alive." Not kidding.. when I'm asked to do something during the summer months, my immediate response is .. "is it hot outside? Hmm no thanks" People look at me as if I'm the crazy one.. Uh.. I'm the one trying to not get sunburned, skin cancer, and prevent physical illness. I think I should be asking summer lovers "are YOU crazy? Look at that burn!" People physically hurt themselves for a bit of daylight? Yes, I get it. Sunlight makes people happy blah blah blah... I agree. Sunlight
is nice and pretty but not over 70°. I love fall and spring. I embrace cozy sweaters and corduroys and stylish boots with out the need of a coat or half nakedness. I love the crisp dry air and the smell of dry leaves. It's the best.
I'll take snow any day over this heat. It's not that I love winter, because I don't. I just find it easier if your cold, put on a sweater or gloves. No biggie. You can't walk around naked in the summer and there are so many people who are highly confused as to what is publicly
acceptable and STILL be hot enough to want to inhale a truck full of ice. Snow does not give me a headache, make me want to vomit or accidentally take possibly dangerous naps. I once participated in an art sale in AUGUST. That was dumb of me. That was before I realized it was
ok for me to embrace my hatred for summer. To not be embarrassed. So myself and my friend Becca set up our little vendors tent and set up shop. We were there I think 4 hours maybe? Towards the end I was not doing so hot... I swear my brain was about to explode!! I felt like I would spew at any given time all over our artwork. Thankfully her parents stopped by and said, "Courtney, maybe you should go get some food and some water.." So I hop in my Air Ford One and zoom off to the nearest food joint to get some water and some sort of food for us... I happen to look at the temp... 104° O__O NO WONDER!!! We left immediately when I got back to our station. Stupid me... as soon as I got home... I laid down on the couch to cool off and fell asleep. My parents were out of town. Becca was calling me nonstop... I scared the crap out of her! She was afraid that I had passed out from heat stroke/exhaustion. Such a good friend! That was the end of my embarrassment of hating summer. I'm proud of it.
The heat makes me angry. Constantly angry. I have a theory. The reason there is so much fighting in the middle east is because they are all so hot and cranky!! Do we hear of Eskimos fighting in Alaska?? NOO. I rest my case. Alright people, can we get some air conditioning units moved in there?!
Top 13 reasons of why Summer sucks.
1. Don't you just love it when you go grocery shopping and when you return from your trip your a sticky mess who looks like they just urinated in the car?! MEEEEEEEEEEEEE It's the best!
2. Mmmm ice cream and ice'y treats are the best in the summer! Especially when it's so hot out that the sugar makes you feel like you want to hurl because it starts boiling in your stomach. FUN!
3. I don't know about you, but I LOOOVE not being able to sleep in the summer from the heat. I'm so comfortable when my pillow gets all hot and steamy and then I have to flip it over to get a cool side, to only have it heat up within two minutes. So cozy! :)
4. Air conditioning is the best invention ever right? I especially love how it rakes up my electric bill. Good times.
5. One of the greatest things in life, is knowing you may develop an ulcer due to your over usage of Advil to deal with your constant headaches from heat exhaustion.
6. Is it possible that taking a shower can actually make you feel hotter? In the summer it can!
7. Oh oh oh!! How about when you are out and about shopping or what not, and it may be crowded and you get to smell all of the lovelies near by who sweat profusely and either don't know what deodorant is or just refuse to wear it? There should be a home fragrance made from that. It's my favorite.
8. How about when you do decide to go to one of those dingy public pools because you just can't take the heat and oops, your AC is out of commission... I know I love seeing people squeezed into bikini's that shouldn't. Maybe I'll buy one this summer.
9. This one is for the ladies.. How many of you LOVE the feeling when your face starts to melt off and run into your eyes and you swear for a few minutes there you are actually going to lose your eyesight from all the rancid burning? Awesome.
10. "Yes, it is too hot to hold your hand and cuddle. Don't touch me." Who has heard that before? I know I've said it.. So romantic.
11. You've heard the expression "you could fry an egg on that!" Welp, who wants to get into a car that's like that?! And if you have black seats.. OUCH! Don't get me started on leather seats. You literally feel your flesh melting off and becoming one with the seat. By the time
your through, your thighs are numb and you can use the seat as a
slip-n-slide within 3 minutes! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
12. Bugs. Need I say more? Bees love me. I think they can sense that I'm allergic and they all take a nose dive right at me. Mosquito? Those too. Hello west nile virus. I welcome thee. Lets not forget our little buddies the gnats! They are so needy. Always flying around in your face like "look at me!! over here!! Hey!! What are you doing? Hey look at me!"
So friends, during the months of May-Septemberish do not call me and ask me if I want to go to the zoo, go shopping (outside), go to an amusement park, go for a walk, go to a picnic, a cookout, a beach, camping, outdoor party, outdoor concert, festival or fair, or even sit in your back yard. The answer will be no. Please don't be offended. It's nothing against you personally. I just hate summer.
That's right my friends, a mini series on our American History! It is by far the BEST series I've seen with the background to our country and the history behind it. Although the series is not over, I cannot wait to buy the video to keep as my own! (...and you thought that I wasn't a dork... Proved you wrong!)
